How did I come to this staggering conclusion? Well, BMW owners think they are rich and because of that, they expect respect from the rest of us. Pre-2005 double cab owners are pissed off because they’re not rich. NW plate carriers? Well, they are (n)o (w)here, if you catch my drift. Taxi drivers are everywhere.

What’s the solution to the problem? Let’s organise a strike and march to BMW’s headquarters, demanding that they design and build a cheap BMW double cab. We then get Julius to unilaterally change our sacred constitution to force BMW double-cab owners to go and live wherever NW is. Something similar to a homeland in the apartheid days.

We’ll then have all the padvarke in one kraal, leaving them to irritate, annoy, endanger and eliminate each other.

What about taxi drivers? Goodness knows. They’re a law unto themselves. It seems that even our highly respected policemen and women are scared of and subservient to them.    

Who are the most skilled drivers? Those behind the wheel of a Formula One car, or those flying through a forest on a special stage during a World Rally Championship (WRC) event?

It is a question often asked but seldom resolved.

In a way, it’s like comparing fast and spin bowlers in cricket. Many fast bowlers find themselves in national squads at the relatively tender age of 22. Spin bowling is a different kettle of fish altogether. Great spinners such as Australians Richie Benaud and Shane Warne, or our own Pat Symcox, only made their mark in their late twenties and thereafter.

Formula One drivers are like fast bowlers. The late Bruce McLaren won his first Grand Prix – at Sebring in America in 1959 – when he was 22 years old. Emerson Fittipaldi became world champion – in 1972 - when he was 25. Red Bull Racing’s Sebastian Vettel re-wrote the record books when he became the youngest champion that Formula One has ever produced. He was only 23 years and 135 days when he clinched the title during the last race of the 2010 season in Abu Dhabi.

The following appeared in F1 Racing, The world’s best-selling F1 magazine: “Of all the drivers who have competed in F1 in the past five years, only two who made their F1 debut over the age of 23 have won a grand prix.

This prompted former McLaren driver and currently Formula One TV commentator for the BBC, David Coulthard, to remark about all the young drivers as follows: “Mum packs your bags and off you go to a Grand Prix.”

Sebatien Loeb won his first of many WRC titles when he was 30 years old. Hannu Mikkola was 41 and Bjorn Waldegard 39 when they carried the world rally crown for the first time.

Maybe one should look at the careers of two Formula One stars to come to a conclusion.

Kimi Raikkonen won the Formula One drivers’ title in 2007. He subsequently took up rallying with dismal results. His sponsors get tremendous coverage though thanks to photographs and TV coverage of Kimi’s car lying in a ditch after one of his many accidents.

Renault Formula One driver Robert Kubica also tried his hand at rallying. This prompted him to remark: “I’ve tried rallying and I know what big balls these guys have. Big balls.” Robert was later involved in a serious accident behind the wheel of a rally car which put him out of the 2011 season thus far. Hopefully he will recover to continue his potentially brilliant career in Formula One.

So, who are the best drivers? To me, Formula One, with massive and endless run-off areas scattered around the circuits for safety reasons is a glorified form of video games. You can go off the circuit almost anywhere without serious consequences. If you go off a tree- or boulder-lined road in a rally car you are in for a rude awakening. You might, as the late and outspoken Australian racing legend Frank Gardner once put it, attend your own barbeque.

Frank died of natural causes close on 80 years of age. Fortunately he didn’t have to attend his own barbeque.

Guess who said the following: “Grand Prix racing is not as pure as it was in the past. We have gone too far with artificial elements. It’s like telling footballers to wear tennis shoes in the rain. To have so many pit stops. I want to see competition. I want to see cars on the track. I don’t want to see competition in the pits. In the last Grand Prix there were 80 pit stops. Come on, it’s too much. And viewers don’t understand anymore because drivers come out of the pits and they – the viewers - don’t know what position he is in.” It is a verbatim remark by Ferrari president Luca di Montezemolo. I couldn’t wish for a bigger name to support my concern about modern day so-called Grand Prix racing.

Just another thought. How the decision makers at Pirelli could allow themselves to become part of such a farce boggles the mind. What is the message they convey to a mega-massive, world-wide TV audience? “Our tyres aren’t up to it. They don’t last.”

I call Martin Brundle to the witness stand once again to strengthen my case. After the Grand Prix in China he said: “There is at least half a ton of discarded rubber on the race track by the end of the Grand Prix.” That is half a ton of Pirelli rubber. Shreds from tyres that don’t last. Bad publicity, very bad publicity.

Come to think of it, maybe that’s why Bridgestone told the FIA to go away with a two-fingered wave at the end of the 2010 season. Maybe, just maybe, they weren’t willing to produce 15-lap tyres to spruce up the Grand Prix show.

Click here  to submit your views or send an email to info@wheelsannual.co.za and let us have it from the hip.